Seeing The Noise We Don't Hear
It’s frustrating that I still get frustrated. It’s like an Escher painting. Or those images of exotic snakes eating themselves. An endless loop of judging, situation after situation.
What frustrates you? What fuels your judgement? Do you know? Is it just a feeling you ‘deal with’ or do you actively try to judge less?
There’s no greater noise in my life than the desire for present circumstances to be different. This desire is an obstacle for me to be present.
Mindset (with any inertia) is something you feel, a by-product of letting go. Surrendering to life.
So, the question becomes, how can we feel different?
Well, you can be more mindful of your moods, see challenges as opportunities for growth, etc. But what about the source of our discontent? The source of why we feel.
When I was a kid in elementary school, I would be petrified before having to read in front of my class. I can’t see it through my mind’s eye, I just know it happened.
I had a debilitating stutter until I was in my teens. I still have a hard time saying my name when I’m nervous. “Ggggggary.”
I never thought experiences so (relatively) traumatic could be concealed. But they have been. And I never quite realized how this shaped my personality in very specific ways.
Believe it or not, I only realized a few weeks ago that my stuttering is probably why I’ve had a hard time approaching people throughout my life. Every encounter with a stranger would be coupled with immense stress, fear, and embarrassment.
These things matter. They shape us. And unfortunately, our mind does a great job at protecting us, or seemingly protecting us.
Until we can do the work to dig a little deeper every day and peel away those layers, we’ll never truly feel differently. Until we can make friends with these experiences and begin to work on their progeny, we’ll never truly feel different.
There are some experiences that people will have an incredibly hard time trying to face, but if you can, it will start the process of letting go.
Some weeds need to be pruned. Maybe it’s time to go gardening. I can tell you that my garden is a lot less noisy since I have.